Evil Brain Trust

Sailing on Digital Seas: Computer Pre-Spring Cleaning

by Guy Anthony De Marco

It’s the start of a new year, so it’s time to discuss a bit of pre-spring cleaning for your computer. For perspective, my “day job” involves working in an Information Technology department for a large corporation with 13,000 users, a field I’ve been working in since I started writing computer programs in 1977. I perform these tasks quarterly at a minimum on my personal equipment, and twice daily on the 983 servers I’m responsible for.

1. Back Up Your Data

In the IT field, there’s an old saying: “There are two kinds of people, those who back up their data, and those who wish they did.”

Yes, everyone knows they should back up their data, but most forget to do it if the task isn’t automated. In the past, I was guilty of forgetting to do this on my laptop, and I’ve lost works in progress. So, like changing your smoke alarm battery every time there is a change to Daylight Savings Time in the United States, at the very least you should make a concerted effort to back up the data from the previous year.

I back up all of my fiction, articles, and poems onto a CD, then put it in a safe place. I also archive it on my website in case I need copies when I’m traveling. Make sure you label the disc and put it in a sleeve or CD case. Use a permanent marker, put on a sticker label (use the round ones so the CD isn’t unbalanced when spinning), or write the label directly on the CD if you happen to have LightScribe. Do not use ink pens on the CD. Most people think the underside of a CD is the most sensitive to damage, but it’s actually the top portion that is fragile. Once the thin layer of laquer is damaged, such as from writing on a CD with a ballpoint pen, the reflective backing starts flaking off, destroying the CD. The underside may get scratches, but the CD writing process includes error correction, which is why many scratched CDs still work for data.

If you have a large amount of data, such as your story files, ebook files, audio files, and images, use a DVD-ROM to back up your work. The same rules apply for the care of the discs.

If you have a safe deposit box at the bank, consider keeping a copy there in case something happens to your house. I know several authors that were impacted by Hurrican Sandy, and several of them lost their homes and their computers.

In addition to backing up important files, I also recommend purchasing a USB external drive that comes with backup software. This way, your entire hard drive can be restored if you get a nasty virus or malware that destroys everything on your computer. One terabyte external drives are around $100. Restoring your computer after you get hit by a nasty virus with a couple of clicks is priceless.

2. Anti-Virus Scanning

I’m assuming most of you have an updated anti-virus program running on your computer(s) and laptop(s). Good for you! If you don’t, there are several free anti-virus programs available, such as AVG and Avast. If your computer connects to the Internet, you need protection.

Now is the time to do something that your computer has been bugging you to do for a while. Close all of your open files and programs. Yes, that includes Facebook — don’t worry, you’ll survive the withdrawals. Open whatever anti-virus program you use and select “full system” or “full hard drive” scans, then leave your system alone. If you’re running a laptop that goes into hibernation mode if it doesn’t feel your loving hands brushing the touchpad, deftly sliding the mouse, or even stroking the keyboard, set your system to stay out of hibernation mode by adjusting your power settings. Leave your laptop plugged in, in case it takes a while to scan your data.

Your anti-virus program is going to scan every file stored on your computer. Depending on the number of files and the speed of your computer, this may take an hour or ten. If it finds any nasty lurking virus files, let the software kill or quarantine the offending data.

3. Dump Unused Software

If you have software installed that you never used in 2012, consider deleting it from your computer to free up space. Make sure you have the original software available should the need arise to re-install. A good example is getting rid of old income tax software. It’s doubtful you’re going to re-file your 2008 taxes again, so save your data files (onto a CD!), then uninstall.

4. Catch Up on Updates

Now is a good time to update your operating system … AFTER you have backed up your data. Allow your system to go online to download patches and updates, then allow your computer to install without slowing it down by surfing the Internet. If you have the urge to post a Twitter update, tweet using your smartphone.

Once your operating system files are updated and your computer is restarted, go through your programs and check for updates. Don’t forget programs like Microsoft Office, Scrivener, Adobe Acrobat, Java, Firefox, and any other browser updates (including browser plugins, if any.)

5. Catch Up on Writing

Now that your computer is backed up and updated, it’s time to get writing. No excuses!

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Self Promotion Time:
– Behind These Eyes, a horror graphic novel from Guy Anthony DeMarco, Peter J. Wacks, and Chaz Kemp, is available from Villainous Press (http://www.VillainousPress.com).
– Angels Cried, a charity anthology to benefit the victims and families of the Newtown/Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy, is available on Amazon as an ebook and trade paperback. It includes two short stories from Guy.

Guy Anthony De Marco maintains a blog at http://www.GuyAnthonyDeMarco.com. You should visit and bring chocolate.

My Muse is Dead

by Guy Anthony De Marco

I’ve been facing an empty page, the character prompt flashing like a tiny rusted pin wielded by a sadistic acupuncture dropout, jabbing my impotent writing ego over and over.

There is nothing to write about. Well, nothing horror-related, which means the same thing to me. My haunted laptop taunts me, the keys pale and slick, letters worn to the point where they remind me of Celtic tombstones, still around to remind us of the glorious departed, but insufficient to read the names of the dead carved upon the monument.

I decide to take a break from the self-torture, tired from the creaking springs in my chair pushing against my spine. One of these days, I won’t be able to get out, and they’ll find me with the coils twisted around my ribs and through my vitals, flailing around like a spring-loaded clown doll.

My wife made a juicy, still-oozing steak, and left it by the crazy stove. I hate that stove; I’ve found it turned on in the middle of the night, belching flames and a curious brimstone odor. Our cat disappeared that night too, an odd coincidence.

The steak looks inviting, lying next to the garlic cloves and in a ring of mashed potatoes, which acts as a dam to hold in the blood and juices. No fork, for some reason, only a silver-handled knife embedded in the meat. I don’t mind. Even though I yell at my kids when they feast on flesh using their fingers, I personally like the feel of blood running down my arms as my teeth rip apart the muscle fibers.

After devouring the steak, I poke my head into the fridge, moving aside several random opaque containers my wife uses to store things. One of these days I need to look in them, no telling what she’s been up to. Behind the carton of thick nightcrawlers, some of which escaped into the strawberry pudding yesterday, there’s a jar of thick brownish liquid with a couple of round objects drifting around the bottom. I can’t make out what they are, but I get a flash of blue-green, perhaps hazel, when I swirl the container. Maybe it’s a leftover from some past dinner, who knows. Further digging reveals a container of cherry lemonade, which I chug right out of the pitcher. If my wife caught me, she’d embed a cleaver in my neck.

My hunger sated, thirst quenched, I head back to my little nest, surrounded by ancient whispering books and papers. The chair springs welcome my old bones, the laptop slides over like a glowing coffin lid, and I’m back to this damn torture of having my eyeballs assaulted by the stark, veil-colored blank page, the cursor blinking ghost-like, playing hide-and-seek with my consciousness. I wish I could think of *something*.

You know, if only my muse was undead, I’d have something to write about.